Nostalgia
by Ava Cabot
Summary: A short fic, with Severus Snape remembering the day of a final battle, and what was lost that day.


Miyumi  
  
Nostalgia  
  
Dedication: all other Snape/Sinistra folk.  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. owns Snape, McGonagall, Fudge, Harry, Hermione, the Weasleys, and the name Sinistra. Celeste belongs to me, as does the plot, and some of the deceased.  
  
~*~  
  
- Nostalgia -  
By: Miyumi  
  
~*~  
  
All the dust the wind blew high  
  
Appeared like gold in the sunset sky,  
  
But I was one of the children told  
  
Some of the dust was really gold.  
  
~A Peck Of Gold, Robert Frost~  
  
~*~  
  
It is not easy to forget what was.  
  
And that would the thought that went through my head as I lead the group of sniveling, whining, trashy and naïve first years through the hallway that led to the Great Hall. Ever since Minerva became Headmistress, my duties as Potions and Head of Slytherin House were heightened. I became the Deputy Headmaster. I took Minerva's place, was given her spacious office, and a title that made me feel even more important.  
  
When I met the snivelers at the door, I wondered how Minerva tolerated it for so long. But then again, she never had to answer the questions that they asked me about what happened.  
  
But it didn't matter. Nothing did, anymore. We had won, but paid the ultimate price, with lives of innocent people. I never used to care much for others, but after that final battle, I started to.  
  
"Welcome to Hogwarts," I grumbled, trying to hide my sadness. "When we enter the Great Hall, the Sorting Hat will place you in your Houses. While here at Hogwarts for several miserable years, your house will be like your family. There are four. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and R- Ravenclaw."  
  
I could barely say the House name. It hurt too much. I stumbled over it each time I had to say it. Though it had been a year, the pain was still fresh. I couldn't ignore it. There was a hold in my heart that would never heal.  
  
"My name is Professor Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House, and Potions Master."  
  
The little brats weren't paying attention to me at all. All they could was shuffle along, occasionally squeaking when they passed a scorch on the stone wall, or a small tribute bouquet, stacked against a wall, along with a picture of the person who died there.  
  
Suddenly, one from the group let out a small shriek, pointing to a plaque that glittered gold in the candlelight. "Look! Look!" said the girl. "That plaque! It must be where that teacher was!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" drawled a boy. My Slytherin antenna went up. It sounded like Draco, and judging from his looks, he could have been a Malfoy. But there were no more Malfoys. All of them but Narcissa died that day. Even she is as good as dead. Going to the insane asylum at St. Mungo's made her almost dead, for no one visited her, and she was a forgotten person, once a rich housewife, now a fallen woman, insane.  
  
"That plaque," insisted the girl, "Marks where the only professor of this school died." She rolled her eyes, casting a look of contempt at his 'stupidity'. "Professor Celeste Sinistra, born in nineteen hundred and-"  
  
"Will you desist?" I snapped, turning on her sharply. She squeaked again, casting her eyes fearfully-and rightfully-down. She had bushy brown hair. Shades of Miss Granger, I thought sadly.  
  
Miss Hermione Granger, gone for now. Marrying that ridiculous Weasley and then going to America, where all the rest of the family went. Too dangerous to stay in England, they had said. Even old wizarding families were still afraid, still wary of the peace that came with the war.  
  
Or maybe it was the memory of Potter that was haunting them.  
  
I could see the doors up ahead. But for those last painful minutes before we reached it, at least one squeak or cry arose from the group, pointing at a burn or memorial off to the side.  
  
They were not there, said a voice inside my head. They couldn't know. They wouldn't know.  
  
"When we enter the Hall, try not to look afraid or stupid," I said, stopping briefly before the wide oak doors. "Even more than you do now, that is," I added quietly, slamming open the doors. Every head in the Hall turned, and watched as I led the students in. I saw the same face that Minerva had been making ever since Dumbledore died, an old, tired one. She didn't look as ready to punish anymore, as she did when she was just Deputy Headmistress. We all had someone to be kind with, then. But he was dead too.  
  
At the staff table so many were missing. Too many, to count. Those who remained had their griefs, but were careful to do so in private, because there were some who had lost much more. People like me.  
  
Most of the damage was gone, as quickly as it had come. That damned person, Fudge, was still Minister even thought we all knew he was hiding in Scotland while we all fought.  
  
The Ministry was quick to repair the front doors, which had been blasted down, the first of what would be hundreds of causalities. Now they looked eerily new, as if nothing had ever happened.  
  
Lies, all lies. The Ministry wanted to pretend. They didn't want people to know the damage that Hogwarts faced.  
  
Yanking the scroll from Minerva's pale hand, I unraveled it, and called out the first name. A small boy, with a tuft of black hair and emerald green eyes. He stared at me with boldness in his eyes. Give him a scar and he could have been Potter.  
  
Potter.  
  
Memories came crushing over me that I could not hold back.  
  
"Good heavens, he's dead!"  
  
"Thank Merlin!"  
  
"More like thank Harry Potter!"  
  
I wiped the dirt and grime from the battle off my sweaty face and crumpled robes. All I wanted to do was shout for the others to shut up, for though that rotten Harry Potter had managed to save the day once again, he had different thoughts in mind.  
  
Where in bloody hell did she go? I wondered angrily. My annoyingly witty and beautiful fiancée was missing, and I wanted to find her before she was forced into the merrymaking.  
  
I had lost track of her during the battle, despite my vain efforts to keep her with me. But in all the bloodshed and gore, I had misplaced her.  
  
"Where are you, you moronic git," I muttered, throwing a clod of dirt off my bloody robes.  
  
I stalked past celebrating Aurors, and a few students of mine. I recognized so many of them.how I loathed them all. Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Lavender Brown.  
  
Potter, Granger, and Weasley.  
  
That damned trio of Gryffindors who always escaped punishment because Dumbledore had a soft spot for them. Of course, they were in their own little group, talking eagerly. Potter looked dazed with victory, as the corpse of Lord Voldemort was dragged away by Aurors.  
  
Off to the side, Minerva stood, tears pouring down her face. She was shouting for everyone's attention. All people stopped, and turned towards her. Of course. They did not yet realize who was dead.  
  
"How can you celebrate?" she said, her voice quaking with tears. "Have you all forgotten whom has died today? Albus Dumbledore is dead."  
  
But still a few cheered for victory. They were Gryffindors. And without hesitation, Minerva had flown onto them, screaming for them to be quiet. There was a madness in her eyes. And it wasn't just the blood that covered her face.  
  
"Hannah Abbott."  
  
"Parvati Patil."  
  
"Gregory Goyle."  
  
"Pansy Parkinson."  
  
"Susan Bones."  
  
"Roger Fiffell."  
  
"Ernie MacMillian."  
  
"Auror Amaylia Gregory."  
  
"Auror Robert Tershen."  
  
"Auror Elizabeth Maxwell."  
  
"Auror Rayna Matacuso."  
  
"Auror Andrew Degger."  
  
"Auror Miranda Falconis."  
  
"Auror Jason Longin."  
  
"Auror Kenneth Wendlin."  
  
Minerva paused, and angrily wiped two hot tears away. "Fifty more students and twenty more Aurors, and over a hundred more bodies that must be identified."  
  
Everyone continued to look at her.  
  
"What of the staff?" shouted an Auror.  
  
Minerva gripped her hands tightly. "Only two casualties, one of them Albus Dumbledore." I saw her cast a look at me. "Celeste Sinistra is dead."  
  
I swayed, nearly fainting.  
  
'Don't worry Sev,' she had said to me but an hour ago. 'I'll be back after this damn war is finished.'  
  
'What is it *now*, Celeste? In case you forgot, there are spells flying all over us, and if we keep standing here, we'll get hit. What could you possible want now? And don't tell me you left you favorite telescope still up.'  
  
'Fine. Be that-Look out!'  
  
She threw me to the ground, as a curse flew above us. Celeste stifled a giggle as she rolled off of me. The Death Eater loomed near us, and before they could shoot again, Celeste fired a spell at them, Stunning them to the ground. Hurrying over, she kicked the poor bastard below his belly, and rolled him off the hill, where he landed on top of two other Death Eaters.  
  
'If you were looking more closely,' she said fiercely, 'I wouldn't have had to save your sorry ass, Sev.'  
  
'Well excuse me, Celeste,' I snapped. 'But what did you want me to do for you, anyway?'  
  
"We must never forget the brave sacrifices of all these people."  
  
She bit her lip. Merlin, did I feel horrible for snapping at her. She looked so scared and beautiful at the same time. Her lovely purple eyes glittered at me.  
  
"They will be remembered as heroes for all time."  
  
'This might be the last time we see each other, Sev. I-I'm just scared, dammit, alright?'  
  
"We will honor them for eternity, as those who lost their lives for this war."  
  
'Don't be scared,' I tried to say reassuringly. 'We'll come back alive. And when we do, we can get married.'  
  
'Really?' she said, her eyes brightening.  
  
'No,' I said sarcastically. 'I ask random women to marry me. Of course I want us to get married.' I touched the small diamond on her ring, sparkling on the fourth finger of her left hand. She smiled slightly, flinging her arms around me tearfully.  
  
'Get off, Celeste,' I said, almost getting pushed off the hill myself. But as she wept in my arms, the screaming that could be heard off the hill frightened me as well.  
  
'I don't want to lose you,' she said wearily. 'I love you too much.'  
  
'You won't,' I said. 'And remember, we will be getting married, so you'll be stuck with me forever.'  
  
'That's not a bad thing,' she said, wiping her eyes. And suddenly, she looked so innocent. Her purple eyes were leaking tears, and her auburn hair was messy. But in my eyes, she looked her prettiest.  
  
'Kiss me one more time, okay Sev?' she asked.  
  
'Why?'  
  
'Just kiss me, you twit.'  
  
Before I could answer once more, she pressed her lips against mine. I hated this sentimental nonsense that couples did. But reluctantly, I put my arms around her waist. As much as I hated to admit, I found myself deepening the kiss.  
  
And as fast as I could, I broke it.  
  
'Stupid, sentimental nonsense,' I growled, holding her still.  
  
'And I love you too, Sev,' she said, laughing.  
  
I used to watch to Sorting with interest, seeing which soul I could torture in Gryffindor, and who could be in my own House. And as always, we all used to bet on Which House The First Student Would Be In betting pool. But this year, it just didn't see right. In any other circumstance Minerva would have been collecting from us all, because of the Gryffindor first person.  
  
".Do ya think they'll have Quidditch?" Snape heard a student say.  
  
"I dunno," came the response. "I heard from Stewart Ackerley that it's still on. He's Seeker, you know."  
  
"Merlin, look at the new professors! That one at the end looks like a hag!"  
  
"Like your mother?"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
'They were not there,' I thought again. 'Just-ignore-them.'  
  
When I took my seat after the last student (Slytherin) had been Sorted, Minerva stood to make an announcement, as Dumbledore always did. Then it was always the same. Filch would be on the prowl, the Forbidden Forest was off-limits, etc. etc.  
  
"I would like to clear some rumors that the Ministry has been circulating," she started, her voice cracking slightly.  
  
I couldn't believe what she was doing.  
  
'Remember, Minerva,' Fudge had said. 'You must not tell the students the truth. The parents-think of how tuition and attendance at the school would drop. After all that happened, Hogwarts must stay open.'  
  
'But they must know the truth,' said Minerva, not once listening to him. 'Albus would have wanted it.'  
  
Fudge nervously wiped sweat from his forehead. If looks could kill, Minerva would have killed him in one glare.  
  
'I know what Dumbledore would have wanted, but we just can't tell the public. Some of the things will be forgotten, and that is exactly what we want. You know that the Ministry is fully behind me on this.'  
  
'What about the families that lost loved ones?' said Minerva, her voice dangerously close to a scream. 'They will know. Everyone knows, Cornelius, and you cannot hide that!'  
  
His beady eyes twitched. 'I will not tolerate disobedience, Minerva.'  
  
'Disobedience?' she roared, sounding almost like me yelling at Gryffindors.  
  
'You must understand,' retorted Fudge weakly. 'We can't have the Daily Prophet telling everyone that over two hundred died. We'll just say that they were missing in action, and then never follow up.'  
  
'No one will fall for your lies,' shrieked Minerva. 'I would gladly die in Albus' place than hear these lies I must tell the students this fall.'  
  
For a moment it looked like Fudge would strike her down. Instead, he merely straightened his bowler hat and waved a finger warningly at her. 'If you tell the students what really happened, I will have another put in your place.'  
  
'Fine,' replied Minerva. 'But you cannot hide the truth for long.'  
  
Snarling, Fudge grabbed her by her shoulders.  
  
But Minerva was swifter, and grabbed her wand, pointing it between his body and hers. 'Hurt me, and you'll never live to lie another die.'  
  
And Fudge let go, fearful, for what she truly could do to him.  
  
I wanted her to marry me.  
  
I damn wanted a family, a wife, and a house with a white-picketed house, the whole damn deal.  
  
"We thought you'd be the best person for her things, Severus," said Fudge dully, Minerva glaring daggers behind him. He handed me a large box of miscellaneous things. Numbly, he took them.  
  
"So sorry, Severus," said Minerva, patting my shoulder.  
  
"I can't forget her," I said softly.  
  
"Excellent Astronomy professor," said Filius.  
  
"She's dead," I said hoarsely.  
  
"Beautiful, beautiful woman," said Rose, her flyway hair as bad as ever.  
  
"Brilliant person-"  
  
"Wonderful person to work with-"  
  
"She was a perfect person-"  
  
"I asked her to marry me," I said, sinking into a chair.  
  
The room was silent.  
  
"Marriage?" said Minerva softly.  
  
"I loved her," I said, holding his head in his hands.  
  
"No." whispered Poppy.  
  
"Right after today, we were going to get married.but then she died." I said huskily.  
  
The faculty was very quiet. Never in a million years had they thought I, Severus Snape, was capable of loving. Nor did they ever consider me, a bitter, cruel man ever capable of possessing a trait to love. Maybe some harpy, but not Celeste Sinistra.  
  
Why?  
  
"Why did she have to die?" I alleged bitterly.  
  
"Severus." trailed Lara Hooch.  
  
All the staff shifted slightly, uncomfortable.  
  
"I'll be going," he said.  
  
Just as he was almost out of the door, Minerva stopped him.  
  
"Severus, we found this on her finger," she said quietly, slipping in into his bloody hand.  
  
It was the diamond ring.  
  
Minerva cleared her throat. She glanced at me. "The Ministry does not want me to tell you this, because parents, maybe even your own, would withdraw you from the school."  
  
I watched her motion to the seat that Celeste normally occupied.  
  
"The Ministry does not want you to know that among the two hundred that died that day, half were Death Eaters."  
  
If possible, the hall became even quieter. There were a few scattered murmurs, but no one said anything right out.  
  
"And one of those dead should be here."  
  
I knew what she was going to say.  
  
'You must not say the staff casualty besides Dumbledore,' said Fudge hurriedly, before Minerva fired a Banishing Spell.  
  
"Raise your glasses to the staff member that is not mentioned on any funeral list, a woman that held a more heavenly knowledge of the stars than any other."  
  
Tears began to fall from my eyes.  
  
I thought the war would set everything straight. I would no longer be a Death Eater, and Celeste would be free to marry me.  
  
The night after he was killed, I tore off my sleeve, only to see the Mark gone forever. I thought I would be finally free from my double-life. I could live a semi-normal life with the love of my life. Instead, I am still bound to something. I am not free. I and everyone else must remember her. It must not be kept silent.  
  
"Remember Celeste Sinistra."  
  
~*~ 


End file.
